Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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