Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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