Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so that wasnt chicken after all
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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