she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
