Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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