just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
