you have to choose: penises or morals?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Alive.
So much puke
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
