I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i came on her dog
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
