Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
