so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
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Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
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I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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