I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
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my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
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