BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
