How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
