ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
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I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
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Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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