bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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