I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
