i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
