If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
