you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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