So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
