That's intense
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
