i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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