I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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