This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
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Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
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Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd