that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
