my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
