bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
