super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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