Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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