I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
