I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
