as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
