Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
