My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
