My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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