It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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