I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
