So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize