If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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