i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
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Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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