I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize