I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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