how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
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mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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