I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
