I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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