so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
