Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
