i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
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I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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