There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
