I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize